Catting edge


Fuller than the Oceans

Yesterday was a quiet day for Stacy and I. I spent all day at home with her, we didn’t play as much as the previous day, but in our own way, we still had fun.

For supper, I thought I might surprise her with liver, it worked great! She ate so much, I could have sworn I saw a belly in her perfect streamlined body. She also had milk. I think I may be spoiling her, but it’s for a while. Even though S runs a diner, I doubt she gives Stacy this much care, which as I said, is the more reason I should be given permanent ‘ownership’ of Stacy. Sure, she would be fat as Garfield, but she’d still look cute with those heavenly eyes.


I love the place I stay, it’s one of those interior parts, where if forest doesn’t surround me, gardens do. No, not those gardens you’re picturing, the real garden, like the one you have in upcountry… yes, that one.

It’s a great place, unlike the last place which was middle of the highway, I don’t have to be awakened by raging motorcycles at 2 in the morning. On the contraire, I am surrounded by trees and birds and green grass, I love it here. The only thing that irks me is the crickets, when they get inside the house, you cannot sleep. You can put ten pillows over your head but you’ll still hear them, heck! You can commit suicide and you’ll still hear them. Point is, they’re really annoying.

A couple of weeks back one kept me awake till 1 a.m. I had to get up and try to find it. This was after praying on my knees that a shoe or a book would fall on it wherever it was, clearly, God ain’t my mama. I tried to see what to do from my so called elite friends; one suggested I hum or sing higher than it and it would shut up and leave. I never did tell him, but it didn’t work. I think I was the fool for following that piece of advice.

So anyway, yesterday around 7 in the evening, I heard the devil’s shriek, a cricket inside the house, again! Doesn’t the devil have countries to ruin? Presidents to corrupt with evil racist thought? Why does he have to guide a cricket into my house? Is the devil really this bored? Trump offers a much more favorable candidate for the devils torture than I. Yet, here he is, enticing crickets to my house.

Little did I know I had a secret weapon… Stacy.

Crickets may be annoying to us, and they may elude our sight, but they are a cat’s chew toy. Stacy, upon hearing the crickets cry, started the hunt. I felt like playing the Mission Impossible theme song. Within minutes, Stacy had already caught up with the cricket. You should have seen her taunting the evil creature with her paws. Even I couldn’t arouse this much excitement in her.

After the cricket had had enough of trying to run, Stacy took it to heaven via her digestive system.

I was beat from the long day. We turned in early.

Guess who!?

We woke up rather early today. Funny enough, Stacy kept crying and looking if her two bowls had anything. Didn’t you just eat liver and milk yesterday? And had a cricket dessert! How can you be hungry?

Anyway, I went out to buy some breakfast for me and my new found love. On my way back, I heard someone call my name from far behind. The voice sounded so familiar, who could it be? Who could know me? I just moved here a couple of months back! As all these thoughts crossed my mind, I turned around before my paranoia got the best of me.

Oh no! It was S! How is she back? She told me she wouldn’t be here for another four days. Why did she suddenly cut her ‘vacation’ to shagz? Did she read my articles? She doesn’t look like the type who reads. S, if you’re reading this, I mean no offense whatsoever. She was here, and that only meant one of two things, either she was going to mysteriously disappear and I’d keep Stacy, or we’d get married and have Stacy close to me. Whatever it took, anything for Stacy.

Now S did not just return, she returned with her family’s whole year’s harvest. How is one girl thin as a pencil going to finish this much food? Maybe she got inspired by Tyler Perry’s Madea.

Being the gentleman she thinks I am, I had to help her with one of her two yellow paper bags, and her rag sack.

She asked one million and one questions about Stacy and I gave her one million answers less. If she’s good on picking ques, she’d have boarded the next bus to her shags.

Site seeing

Seeing this was the last day between our beautiful relationship, I decided to take Stacy outside on the green grass. I figured since she loved chasing the cricket, she might have loved the outdoors. I held her by the back of her neck and put her on my left shoulder. She can not only play a chef, she would also make a great parrot.

When I put her down on the grass, she ‘tip pawed’ all the way back to the house.

Guess she’s not an outdoors kinda girl. She probably had cat nail polish and here I was exposing her to the harsh outside.

A cat of two households

S eventually came for Stacy.

I had to put on the brave manly face and act like all was well.

Stacy seemed excited to see S, but you could see confusion in her eyes, or maybe it was all in my head.

Stacy’s all gone. I’m left in this huge house alone. The walls echo with her meows, the floor jeers with her walk, and my heart longs to see her again.

I know she’s just next door, but we’ll never sleep in the same bed again, we’ll never watch movies together again.

Stacy, you will be missed, you will be loved.

And though we’ll never share a bed again, you’ll always have a place in my heart.



3 Replies to “Catting edge”

  1. great story, sounds so much like someone I know I could swear this is Paul’s work…….maybe you’re brothers……find him, catfish him, he might replace the cat.


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